Know Me

To start with, I am not the type of person who wants to be popular. I don't want anybody to know me. I always hide myself behind the walls of truth and lies. It's up to you what you want to believe about me.

One thing that is important is that I am an honest person. As much as possible, i don't want to lie. Not because it's bad. It's because i always compete with my analytical self when I try to lie. I always analyze things until my self would catch my self lying. In short, I always look for flaws. And I always come up to a point that there's no perfect lie for me. I always think that somebody who thinks like I do could easily find out that I am lying. And I really hate that.

I also hate people that are lying. I don't know why and how but there is a tiny room in my brain that always process peoples' gestures and speeches. I always look for flaws. I always want to know more about what they're thinking from the bits of words they say.

All because of this curiosity, i had an interest on making this blog. I am looking deeper than what things normally look. I want to learn what normal people usually don't know. And I want to tell people about the ideas i have in mind that are just becoming trash after a night thinking over them. At least, in this world, i might be able to meet someone who i can exchange my ideas with.

I am not a genius nor crazy. It's just me. I know I am not unique. I am normal like anybody else. Our interests on differ. And besides, no more than one person can be unique. If at least two people are unique, they will be the same.

[Life]

I was born in Mabalacat, Pampanga, a province in the north of Philippines. I spent 9 years of my life there. Most of me came from that place. I became interested to puzzles and brain teasers from that place. Although I am not intelligent, there are things that i know most of my friends doesn't know. I can easily figure out tricks but most of the time I'm still dumb.

My life and experiences in Pampanga made me feel more different when I came to Tagum City, Davao del Norte. It's a place in the far south of the country. Feeling alone, I became more observant. Of course, in the outside, I'am still a normal person. Like a normal kid does. (that time)

Do you know how to interact with other people? I know it's an instinct how. But there's just something in me that tells me I can't do it. I am shy. I know how, but i just can't do what other people do. Like for example: Say hi or hello to every people you know. Or open up any topic just to have something to talk about. And I can't stand talking for a long time with people i don't intend to talk to.

Now you can call me names. Thinker, analyzer, observer, numb and weird. These are the names my friends used to call me. Maybe they're right but there's just one name that i can't take--feeling.

In our context, when you say feeling to one person, it means something like that person is so proud of himself and it's near for being boastful. It took me a long time before i realized that. Because I am numb. I didn't know what they meant at first and also don't want to talk about it.

[Education]

By the way, I also hate to say good things about myself. I don't like to sell my self to people. I want people to think in their own perspective about me. I don't even defend my self if their impression of me is wrong as long as I'm true to myself. Because of that, let's not talk about my education in details.

In elementary, I'm just a normal student with a huge bag that contains all my books and notebooks. I go to school without a single peso. I just walk from home to school and vice versa. There were times that my mother would give me a peso or two as baon(filipino term for allowance). Instead of bringing money to school, i just put it into my alkansyaor piggy bank (not really a piggy. it's an empty baby powder bottle). At school, i don't eat any recess. A very important lesson i learned from that was patience.

I can be very patient if needed. I know how to wait and I know how to sacrifice. It's a very nice talent i acquired from childhood. Because of being patient, I managed to save money up to a thousand in my so called piggy bank. One day, my mother asked me is she could borrow it and promised to pay me back when i will need it. What do you expect from an innocent child? Of course i gave my consent and my money. This happened repeatedly several times until I realized how much I lost from my mother. Of course i can't blame her. She used the money to buy food for us. But i was just thinking... If she didn't know that i have money, she will not borrow it. If she didn't borrow my money, I could enjoy the fruit my sacrifices. And if i enjoyed the fruit of my sacrifices, maybe i will not learn about this stupid thing: "Eat the largest apple first, 'coz something might ask to have the one left." It simply means that I should enjoy what I have before someone asked to have it from you and you can't decline.

In college, I took up a computer course. There, i learned how to program. I also learned that most things in life have cases and probabilities. And if few cases run under the same algorithm, it is possible to guess the result. It applies to me very well. Due to this, I learned how to trap my friends in a conversation. I also learned how to guess their next answer and reaction. Because of this, I can somehow predict what's in the mind of the person I am talking to. I can also use it to girls. But it's not that easy. It's not because girls are unpredictable. It becomes hard when you are involved in the idea you are trying to predict.

[Love]

To be continued...
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